Things Are Keeping Me Alive.

Maybe it’s just the classical music playing here in Starbucks, or maybe it’s just the calm of my own heart at the moment…but I have been in a particularly deep state of mind today. It probably started this morning in my New Testament survey class while listening to one of my favorite teachers, Josh Arthur speak about the next 18 weeks of class and how we were going to read the scriptures. My eyes kept staring right through people, and in my head I was seeing skeletons. Then the thoughts started coming and I had to write them down…

 

Do you ever realize that you will most likely live and die without ever knowing what you look like on the inside?

There are things going on inside keeping me alive. Apart from a source of creation for this system, how can it exist in such organization? And why do I trust without so much as a thought that these “things” shall continue on?

Rarely do I expect to awake one morning to a stop.

Who determines stop.

Physiologically, I have little idea oh who I am.

I write a lot in my head…That’s an issue.

At this point I too feel as though I have committed blogger suicide. I mean it’s been days, weeks in fact since I have last written, and if you follow me at all you may have noticed the trending themes in my past posts…Lack of writing. Really I wish I could neatly bullet point my list of grand excuses, but either that list would be dreadfully dull or super short…because my excuses are short lived.

Lately my interests, hopes, dreams, and whole entire life seem to be changing and becoming different…or more defined…or less defined…It’s like my head and heart have ADD…Seriously. And since I am hippy/tree/whatever-they’re-calling-me-girl, medicating is NOT an option…How do you medicate emotional ADD anyway?!

Anyway, I really would love to be back and consistent with writing…I would love to be sharing my lovely ideas all the time. I have a lot of great blog posts written in my head…if that counts for anything. I’m sure it doesn’t, but here is an unorganized up-date at best.

Recently I have been further recognizing my passion for health and nutrition…at the same time my first 365 days of the internship are coming to a close…only 365 more to go. So, I am beginning to explore post-intern choices…Where should I live? Should I go to school? What should I do? What are my interests that I would like to invest more in? That last question has been a bit dangerous…I guess I never realized how much I thirst to learn and expand in such diverse subjects…I still love art and design, I would love to learn more about that…maybe interior design, the use of colour fascinates me.  The other day I announced to my mother that I wanted to be a paramedic…where in the world does that come from?! I told her that the medical field is really interesting and challenging to me, and that I think I would do well with the rush of trauma. Not sure I will follow that route, but as I was thinking about it I realized that I really can do whatever I set my mind to…If I am interested and it’s something I want I can study hard enough to succeed. And thats just neat. There are a lot of other random things I would like to do…such as my old dream of journalism, but right now I am more seriously considering going into a nutritional consultant field…I really want to be able to help people in the area of their health, teaching them how to prepare and eat “real food”, live simply, and support local famers and artisans…Really I  just want to have a family and live that simple, practical, lifestyle out with my children in our community, but I don’t know what God has for me yet, and that whole 3 by 23 joke, is really just a joke folks…I’m not having three kids by the time I’m 23…My danish friend (pray for this awesome family, as they move to Denmark!) and I decided 5 by 35 is more realistic…They seem to have my life planned…Move to Denmark, start a coffee shop, marry a dane, and live happily ever after by the ocean. Sounds nice to me.  All that to say, I have a lot of possibilities in front of me, which I should view as nothing more than an overflowing blessings from our Lord…what freedom and giftings He has provided us with.

May this be the start of a more healthy blogging routine…Peace and Love to all of you!

Just some thoughts and Pictures

Not that you care at all…but I invented an ant killer…shallow saucer with apple cider vinegar and a ring of brown sugar to coat the edges…hungry little ants come to the sugar and when they creep just a bit too far, they slip into the deadly vinegar seas. What do you know, its actually working.

I may or may not have "helped" a couple ants into the vinegar...

So, that’s exciting..to me anyway.

This week has been different…in a nice way…I guess I have been taking more time to realize the things God has placed in my life…and the way he has made me…learning to figure out those “ways” and hold on to them…not always so easy…especially for someone who is a bit of an approval addict and likes changing her mind. I was walking along the river the other afternoon…it ended up being a five mile walk which was great…I came across a box turtle which let me hang out with it for a while…Not sure why that was so meaningful, but just spending time with another living creature like that was amazing…watching him move around and figure out what I was.

Sorry if you were expecting some deep, personal revelation…I kind of was too…until I realized how in love I was with the simple things of the earth…His creation is so beautiful and crazy…I really love animals…I’ve been thinking about them a lot lately…So happening upon this turtle was a huge blessing…I hear there is a couple good Zoos in Ft. Wayne and Indy….Hoping to check those out soon.

I have been slowly getting back into art…that process has been really good…I somehow forget what a peace and stillness it brings…And not that you can really call this art, but today Chris Deferio brought a sandwich board sign to the cafe that he had made, he let me draw on it so we could have it on our sidewalk to invite people in. Turned out alright and was a lot of fun to work on…

Well those are the main highlights of the past few days…Tomorrow I get Claire and Sophia for the morning while their mom is working the farmer’s market…Maybe I’ll take pictures, remind me!

Sophia and I

Claire and I

{deep, profound, emotional, title here}

Hi.

I exist.

No, really I do…And this time I can’t even offer you any good excuses for the lack of writing. No deep dark depression, no crazy work schedule, no internet fasting, no nothing…Just me being unproductive as usual. I can’t decide which is more pitiful…the fact that I used to sign into my Wordpress at least 9 times a day…or the fact that I don’t think I have even signed in 9 times this week.  I mean, I think about it…I think about writing too..it’s the thought that counts, right? I’ll just go ahead and answer that for you..

“RIGHT.”

On a more serious note ( as if this tragedy of blog-neglect isn’t serious enough)…Today’s classes blew my mind a little bit…Josh Aurther’s Wisdom Literature class has that tendancy…We are going through the book of Jobcurrently, which is mind-blowing in itself. Wrestling through the fact of God’sultimate sovereignty yet His mercy and love.  Kimmy ( a.k.a roomate…be watching for a give away from her new business!) taught out of psalms following Job this morning…She has started by saying that while studying and preparing for the class she had experienced no words of wisdom or direction from God at all…She explained it as Him being “silent”, which ironically spoke volumes to me. God can be silent. I ended up sharing ( rare occurence) my struggle with believing in God’s favor and protection. I love the Psalms…every single bit of them, except the parts where David proclaims God’s protection. The verses that state God will not let those who follow him fall, he will deliver you from the enemy, he will not turn his face…yeah those ones…can’t deal. You see, its a bit easier for me to struggle and suffer and still rely on God, fully believing that He may have caused or at least allowed my very suffering. When people preach and teach that if you are righteous  God won’t harm you, or if you walk in His will he won’t let you fall it drives a nail in my heart.  It puts this unbearable weight upon my to never screw up or He might hurt me…If I make a wrong choice he will turn His face…If I love the wrong people He will take them away…I can’t live with that…I don’t believe our works earn us His love, favor, and protection…I won’t pretend to have hissovereignty yet love complex figured out, because I don’t…at all. But that is where I draw my comfort…from not understanding, not having answers, yet seeing his overwhelming power in many forms. I can believe in that, I can bein awe over that. I find there to be much freedom in grieving over that which God may have caused…I realize the implications of “caused”, I can feel you become uncomfortable…so wrestle with, and let me know what you come up with.  Everything is for a reason..and He works ALL things out for the good of those who Love him. I believe that.  One of the most profound ideas that I have ever heard in Josh’s class, was when he said about grief,  “…And we will get through it, when we get through it.” This idea that we recognize bad, wrong,  and suffering…and are allowed to call it out, to grieve, mourn,  and hurt…I had become so utterly tired of being told in my grief to just let it go and accept the “good” that God had for me…as if  being hurt was my choice and God was upset with me for not thinking Him enough. That just sent me into guilt on top of grief…What was wrong with me that I couldn’t trust God enough? How horrible I was for not wanting Him like I should? And in the end, I left that “counsel” behind…and I got through it, when I got through it.

All of this was followed by more of my mind-delving as I walked along white river this afternoon on the way to V…where I sketched posters and drank twocappuccinos. I also ate a chocolate chip cookie there, but feel free to pretend that didn’t happen…thats what I’m doing.

Hopefully this is the start to once again publishing regularly. Coming up are some awesome give aways, for kids, for you…for your pet fish…That’s right world, I got a fish…It’s name is Fisk…which is Danish for fish. And that is enough of the word “fish” in one paragraph.

Well…I’m off to go be productive…whatever that is. Peace.

Book Give-away: Redefining Beautiful.

You are not too late to enter! Deadline is midnight, Tuesday the 16th. Comment to enter!

This is the post you all have been eagerly awaiting…myself included. Welcome to a little adventure  between the covers of “Redefining Beautiful”  by Jenna Lucado,

Jenna Lucado

who is none other than the lovely daughter of Max Lucado; a well known christian author and pastor of the Oak Hills Church in San Antonio, Texas.

Jenna has a love for speaking and writing that she has most definitely inherited from her father…She is a part of Revolve tour, an event for teen girls. Jenna is passionate about her ministry of speaking into young women’s lives…

“I have a deep calling on my life to give hope to teenage girls.”

She is driven by the call to have one more girl hear and accept the Love of Christ…So she continues to speak at conferences and events…and has now written her first book!

Which is why you are reading this…So let’s talk about the book.

Redefining

{Beau-ti-ful}

[ adj. ] – What God sees when God sees you

In this book Jenna teams up with her daddy to bring a new vision about for young women struggling with their self image and definition of beauty. If you are a girl like me…you will right a way blow this off, saying something along the lines of … “Whatever, I’m so past all that -my hair is frizzy, ugly, hanging in my boring not-stunning-blue, but brown eyes, and I look fat in jeans so I wear low-riding grey sweats and layered t-shirts- crap…I have it together”  Newsflash…while that may be true ( for the most part), I don’t have it together. And those lovely little comments I find myself telling the mirror in the morning when I pull on the last pair of pants that semi-fit  and try and tame the wildness on my head kind of prove that maybe I’m not so past “all that”.

That is where Jenna’s advice, honesty, and encouragement comes in…She writes from her heart, invites you in to her life…the ups and downs of growing into a young lady. Including you in all the getting ready for school in front of the bathroom mirror drama. Yet she spares you the flowery “You’re such an amazing, perfect, beautiful, powerful, all conquering woman!” lines that generally freak me out and get me mad…Instead she is straightforward with the way you view yourself as a girl.

Redefining beautiful is an engaging and easy to read book…Jenna has a very fun and light style of getting her point across…She’ll have you smiling and feeling like your hanging out in the same room with her. I love that she takes such a down to earth and personal approach to writing this book.  She also leaves plenty of room for you, and by that I mean there is a level of interaction within the pages…Questions and thoughts followed by blank lines for you to fill in with your musings. As stated before she had some help from her Dad in writing this book, you can find his commentary spread out among the chapters in boxes called “Notes From Max”, kinda neat getting some guy and dad perspective. Jenna has put together a great book on self-image…covers everything a girl needs to know…fashion, modesty, boys, drama, God, love..and best of all she talks about being healthy in order to be a Light to those around you…As she puts it,

“We need to display that beauty [God and the way he has created us] for people who are breathing. And that pretty  much covers everyone.”

Its amazing when you come to the realization that yes, you may struggle with hating yourself…but it’s more than just about you…It’s about being capable of reaching out in Love to those you are in contact with. And that is something powerful.

So now that you know all about Jenna and this really neat book that she has written, you want to read it don’t you? Well let me give you that chance! This book was provided to me through Thomas Nelson Publishing, I review books for them and I am giving away one copy of redefining Beautiful to YOU…assuming that YOU win. 🙂 Here is how to enter…

Please leave separate comments saying that you have accomplished the requirements…I will be using an online random selection service…so the more comments you leave, the better your chances…Good luck! Entry closes Sunday at midnight…Winner will be announced hopefully soon after..but you know me.

1) Become a Fan of this blog on Facebook

2) subscribe to my blog

3) Follow me on twitter- @sarahleslierey

4) Share the link to this blog on your Facebook

5) Leave a comment with your thoughts on young women and their self-image

Thanks so much for reading! Love…Peace…and Blessings to you girls!

Breaking News…Home schooled kids make it to real life.

Real Life…whatever that is.

Being grown up is rather boring. And by grown up I really mean….well I have no idea what I mean. Just older, not at home, working, going to school…ish. Despite all the great and entertaining drama I seem to easily keep myself in, and the oh-so-glamorous “living on my own”  situation It’s rather dull…No pink, broken-locked diaries, no hate poetry from my little sister, no castles in the living room, no cat. No cat at all.

By now (long before the tirade of pictures may I point out) you are probably wondering what in the world is going through my head…and why I’m wasting time blogging about it.  Well, calm down your opinions…because you dear are still reading this. “This” was all my sister’s doing…I read her latest post and just had to get all sappy on this here blog.

shall we begin?

Anna and I.

Anna and I + Leah!

Us again. I swear kids try to look cute on purpose.

The way it should be.

Oh no peter pan, the children are growing up!

fast forward ten years and it's profile pic time and gone are the castles and barbie diaries

Delilah! fast-forwarded about 5 cats.

I like fish...and you might know this as I have often dramatically stated...usually in a loud fashion...generally annoying. I still love fish.

I was cooler in highshcool

Obviously, I mean we went to see As I Lay Dying in concert! I even fell asleep on the floor during their show...br00tal, I know.

so young, not so innocent, but we have got the eyes.

We went to prom. It was boring. So we left...

And went to a /\/\ 3 T @ L show!

Last year of Deeper Life

The baby...Priya

Tribe.

We are conservative and believe in guns.

Even more metal! in the form of a venue...like those lattes? I made them, thank you chocolate syrup for your awesome art qualities.

daddy let me drive his car,daddy let me drive his car to see boys...a whole town away.

kids thinking this was the end of the world. highschool was over.

Cupping over my first break home from the intern ship...cupping UP style that is.

More cupping...everyone was impressed and thought I knew what I was doing...ha! right.

Recording at the cabin...never wanted life to change

Mid-recording...this kind of stopping happened a lot...A LOT.

Beautiful

surreal...From the October day on Gabe's farm...still not sure if it really happened.

A Severe Mercy

Was sure of Indiana being the answer

Indiana...

For Now.

Shut up…I know its overkill on the pictures. Just know there were at least 25 I didn’t post. Anyway that was life…and this is life now: Its really late…I’m sitting up with a friend, he is studying for class…we ate pizza. Coldplay is on. I’m tired. Worn out tired, but happy…Strangely fascinated with being out of control of everything. God loves through His mercy, grace, judgement, condemnation, beauty, spirit, jealousy…and I can’t comprehend that at all, but it’s true…and He is holding the universe. So I’m not afraid of falling apart at all.

Weird Black and White Post Ahead…Just Saying.

I’m torn on how to begin this post. Mostly because I had it all organized in my head…and actually thought I could pull it off this time. Not happening, but I’m just going to assume that since you are reading my blog which is usually unorganized, dramatic, and/or confusing, that you can handle the swing in topics.

So what to start with.

Since this is weighing on my heart it’s getting headlines. My roommate came in tonight and made an off-handed comment about how she was hurting for the people of Haiti…and I was like “uhh, what happened in Haiti?” You see somehow in the transition of moving from home to here I lost contact with the world of “current events” Not sure how it happened, but I’m pretty behind in world news these days…Anyway, she started telling me about a major earthquake that happened there and how all these people are missing and dying…Not to mention all the crazy complications the emergency response teams are having to deal with…like the high temperatures (It’s summer there) , malaria, aids, and other diseases which are already rampant and a huge problem. Their airports are also down, so US aid is having to boat in. Bottom line is that this nation needs prayer, for healing, safety, and a recognition of their need for God. Kimmy (super-neat, new roommate ) went to Haiti on a mission trip when she was 18…she describes the experience as life changing and says, “I left my heart in Haiti” . She plans on one day going back to work more with the people, especially the children…I feel like it’s almost too hard to wrap our minds around the fact the over half the world suffers every day…And what can I do about it? Where is that balance of doing your part, being Light and not doing enough?

I feel a little guilty moving on from this…

But dear, devoted, adoring, readers…Please welcome to the blog scene my very own never-thought-she-would-blog sister!!! Totally cool, definitely sarcastic (please refer to her “About Me” page first), and worth every bit of time you may be guiltily spending from now on reading her posts…Just warning you that it very well could become a slightly addicting habbit…What can I say, the girl is witty, entertaining, and down right hilarious! “Stellar” as she would put it…oh wait, how ironic! Thats the title of her blog!  All I can say is stop listening to me and go read for yourself! Note-nothing beats that down-home Georgian accent on her latest video post! Check it!

Love Bears all…

It’s happened again…

The gradual slip from keeping this blog updated…There are a few sporadic poetry pieces lying around but thats about it.

just lying around…

I feel like many parts of my life are doing that.

I’m so young. I have so much to learn. So far to mature. Many places to go.

I have always had this misconception that at some point I will reach that place of a sort of completion, or adequacy…but Im learning over and over again that it doesn’t really exist…That we are always moving and changing.

But then how do you live now? And how do you make wise decisions? Especially when you don’t “hear from God” Does He really answer you on all those things? Or does he let you live and learn…hurt and heal?

It’s crazy thinking you are ready for something…prepared to handle the “responsibility” and then life doesn’t go according to plan…You find yourself forced to be ready to handle something completely different.

The most crazy thing is that as much as all of this wears me down and sends my head in circles…I LOVE IT…I love watching life play out…I love recognizing the choice I have before I make it…Bottom line? I love watching God work through people, places, events. It’s almost comforting…How amazing and beyond this world is He? Enough to handle my broken faith, questions, frustrations…enough, period.

So…A new semester has begun in the internship…And I am proud to say that I AM in it…..yeah I considered dropping.

Excited to see what it brings and how I can grow in with the community…Believing He will reveal much.

Vecinos is alive and well. I and the other baristas have moved from training (not meaning we are stellar and no longer need any sort of training) to regular scheduled shifts…That like everything else has been overwhelming yet an amazing experience that I have loved. 40 hours in the Cafe this week. Neat.

I keep promising pictures…someday that promise will come to fruition…but its at the bottom of this list….

1) Re-start my health

2) Be OCD about what I eat

3) Work out

4) Start my herb/indoor garden

5) Study more for classes

6) Pray about the Living Room ministry

7) Get a freaking memory card, take pictures, and post them!!!!!!!

All this to be worked into my seemingly unworkable schedule….Which I know is workable..somehow, I just need to be a loooot more disciplined. I can do it…maybe.

oh yeah… # whatever) work on my sister’s blog for her, she has been asking since christmas.

Its getting late and I have coffee to vend in the morning…So continue on in Love, encourage one another…and be at Peace…

All my Love…Always.

Sarah Leslie.

Failing, pale…

Just teach me how to take air into my chest again.

Lead me between the catching branches.

I am your garden, so send forth your Light and pour down your Water.

Open the gates, let your children come.

2010

Happy New Year…

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things…

1 Corinthians 13

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear…

1 John 4:18

Walk humbly with your Lord…Bear with Love all things…You are His child, His beloved. Go out into the world as Light and with Peace.

Love Always…

Sarah Leslie