Things Are Keeping Me Alive.

Maybe it’s just the classical music playing here in Starbucks, or maybe it’s just the calm of my own heart at the moment…but I have been in a particularly deep state of mind today. It probably started this morning in my New Testament survey class while listening to one of my favorite teachers, Josh Arthur speak about the next 18 weeks of class and how we were going to read the scriptures. My eyes kept staring right through people, and in my head I was seeing skeletons. Then the thoughts started coming and I had to write them down…

 

Do you ever realize that you will most likely live and die without ever knowing what you look like on the inside?

There are things going on inside keeping me alive. Apart from a source of creation for this system, how can it exist in such organization? And why do I trust without so much as a thought that these “things” shall continue on?

Rarely do I expect to awake one morning to a stop.

Who determines stop.

Physiologically, I have little idea oh who I am.

Would sales increase with purple instead of green?

Good afternoon from Starbucks…Where I am currently sitting in a better state of mind. I feel all proud of myself and legit, seeing as I am at Starbucks blogging…just like those super-neat, artsy, bloggers I so envy. Because there isn’t a whole lot for me to say I will resort to a few bullet points to tell the tales of my oberservations here on a Sunday.

• Starbucks might need a few more tables, seating was a bit sparse today.
• There is a certain “type” of man who works here, and a certain “type” of girl…they usually compliment each other quite well.
• I came here to get work done…this is a great place to pretend to get work done.
• The crooked grout lines on the floor reminds me of laying tile in our basement with my dad. He didn’t end up with crooked grout lines for the record
• It’s sunny in Indiana today.
• My mood is improved…mostly because I forgot to order decaf. I hate fake good days…but hey I am in much need of it, so I will take it.
• Classes start tomorrow…so if there is a literal “peaceful still” it’s because I’m overwhelmed.
• Trying to find free lance writing work…Maybe if I act like Ke$ha I could get a column at collegecandy.com or something trashy like that.
• The real irony is I am here working on a meal plan for the internship…So here is Ms. natural-realfood-hippie girl lowering her standards…mentally atleast.
• My roommate is here with me…sitting across the table…we haven’t really spoken at all…Well, all of our conversation has been over facebook chat.
• Now I just feel like I should paint my nails with glitter or something
• AHHH WHO AM I?
• Yes, the golden question of my generation.
• Man, this place makes me miss Dead River Coffee

I will just leave you with this picture.

Proof we are at Starbucks working.

Back in Indiana.

I am very much back from my adeventures home in Marquette, MI. Other than that I feel like there isn’t a whole lot else to say….My second year of the internship officially begins on Monday. Crazy. Looking forward to this year..with every intention of focusing more, eliminating clutter and un-necessary things in my life, learning to balance better, and just figure out things in general. I’ll let you know how all that goes a few months down the road, as I am laughing at myself already.

Feel free to now entertain yourself with pictures of U.P. North gorgeousness, while I attend to life.

Dad and I hiked up Sugarloaf mountain..this is from the peak.

See that first cove behind me? Thats where we hiked down to.

Made it to the bottom...Wetmore Landing.

Last night in MQT at the island before the Lindstroms and I drove back to IN

I write a lot in my head…That’s an issue.

At this point I too feel as though I have committed blogger suicide. I mean it’s been days, weeks in fact since I have last written, and if you follow me at all you may have noticed the trending themes in my past posts…Lack of writing. Really I wish I could neatly bullet point my list of grand excuses, but either that list would be dreadfully dull or super short…because my excuses are short lived.

Lately my interests, hopes, dreams, and whole entire life seem to be changing and becoming different…or more defined…or less defined…It’s like my head and heart have ADD…Seriously. And since I am hippy/tree/whatever-they’re-calling-me-girl, medicating is NOT an option…How do you medicate emotional ADD anyway?!

Anyway, I really would love to be back and consistent with writing…I would love to be sharing my lovely ideas all the time. I have a lot of great blog posts written in my head…if that counts for anything. I’m sure it doesn’t, but here is an unorganized up-date at best.

Recently I have been further recognizing my passion for health and nutrition…at the same time my first 365 days of the internship are coming to a close…only 365 more to go. So, I am beginning to explore post-intern choices…Where should I live? Should I go to school? What should I do? What are my interests that I would like to invest more in? That last question has been a bit dangerous…I guess I never realized how much I thirst to learn and expand in such diverse subjects…I still love art and design, I would love to learn more about that…maybe interior design, the use of colour fascinates me.  The other day I announced to my mother that I wanted to be a paramedic…where in the world does that come from?! I told her that the medical field is really interesting and challenging to me, and that I think I would do well with the rush of trauma. Not sure I will follow that route, but as I was thinking about it I realized that I really can do whatever I set my mind to…If I am interested and it’s something I want I can study hard enough to succeed. And thats just neat. There are a lot of other random things I would like to do…such as my old dream of journalism, but right now I am more seriously considering going into a nutritional consultant field…I really want to be able to help people in the area of their health, teaching them how to prepare and eat “real food”, live simply, and support local famers and artisans…Really I  just want to have a family and live that simple, practical, lifestyle out with my children in our community, but I don’t know what God has for me yet, and that whole 3 by 23 joke, is really just a joke folks…I’m not having three kids by the time I’m 23…My danish friend (pray for this awesome family, as they move to Denmark!) and I decided 5 by 35 is more realistic…They seem to have my life planned…Move to Denmark, start a coffee shop, marry a dane, and live happily ever after by the ocean. Sounds nice to me.  All that to say, I have a lot of possibilities in front of me, which I should view as nothing more than an overflowing blessings from our Lord…what freedom and giftings He has provided us with.

May this be the start of a more healthy blogging routine…Peace and Love to all of you!

{deep, profound, emotional, title here}

Hi.

I exist.

No, really I do…And this time I can’t even offer you any good excuses for the lack of writing. No deep dark depression, no crazy work schedule, no internet fasting, no nothing…Just me being unproductive as usual. I can’t decide which is more pitiful…the fact that I used to sign into my Wordpress at least 9 times a day…or the fact that I don’t think I have even signed in 9 times this week.  I mean, I think about it…I think about writing too..it’s the thought that counts, right? I’ll just go ahead and answer that for you..

“RIGHT.”

On a more serious note ( as if this tragedy of blog-neglect isn’t serious enough)…Today’s classes blew my mind a little bit…Josh Aurther’s Wisdom Literature class has that tendancy…We are going through the book of Jobcurrently, which is mind-blowing in itself. Wrestling through the fact of God’sultimate sovereignty yet His mercy and love.  Kimmy ( a.k.a roomate…be watching for a give away from her new business!) taught out of psalms following Job this morning…She has started by saying that while studying and preparing for the class she had experienced no words of wisdom or direction from God at all…She explained it as Him being “silent”, which ironically spoke volumes to me. God can be silent. I ended up sharing ( rare occurence) my struggle with believing in God’s favor and protection. I love the Psalms…every single bit of them, except the parts where David proclaims God’s protection. The verses that state God will not let those who follow him fall, he will deliver you from the enemy, he will not turn his face…yeah those ones…can’t deal. You see, its a bit easier for me to struggle and suffer and still rely on God, fully believing that He may have caused or at least allowed my very suffering. When people preach and teach that if you are righteous  God won’t harm you, or if you walk in His will he won’t let you fall it drives a nail in my heart.  It puts this unbearable weight upon my to never screw up or He might hurt me…If I make a wrong choice he will turn His face…If I love the wrong people He will take them away…I can’t live with that…I don’t believe our works earn us His love, favor, and protection…I won’t pretend to have hissovereignty yet love complex figured out, because I don’t…at all. But that is where I draw my comfort…from not understanding, not having answers, yet seeing his overwhelming power in many forms. I can believe in that, I can bein awe over that. I find there to be much freedom in grieving over that which God may have caused…I realize the implications of “caused”, I can feel you become uncomfortable…so wrestle with, and let me know what you come up with.  Everything is for a reason..and He works ALL things out for the good of those who Love him. I believe that.  One of the most profound ideas that I have ever heard in Josh’s class, was when he said about grief,  “…And we will get through it, when we get through it.” This idea that we recognize bad, wrong,  and suffering…and are allowed to call it out, to grieve, mourn,  and hurt…I had become so utterly tired of being told in my grief to just let it go and accept the “good” that God had for me…as if  being hurt was my choice and God was upset with me for not thinking Him enough. That just sent me into guilt on top of grief…What was wrong with me that I couldn’t trust God enough? How horrible I was for not wanting Him like I should? And in the end, I left that “counsel” behind…and I got through it, when I got through it.

All of this was followed by more of my mind-delving as I walked along white river this afternoon on the way to V…where I sketched posters and drank twocappuccinos. I also ate a chocolate chip cookie there, but feel free to pretend that didn’t happen…thats what I’m doing.

Hopefully this is the start to once again publishing regularly. Coming up are some awesome give aways, for kids, for you…for your pet fish…That’s right world, I got a fish…It’s name is Fisk…which is Danish for fish. And that is enough of the word “fish” in one paragraph.

Well…I’m off to go be productive…whatever that is. Peace.

Highway 5

It is gloriously early and I am mostly in bed…sitting on my bed…sitting and blogging and talking on my bed…So you can see that I am pretty much going to bed, and not only going to bed, but going to bed early…That is mostly a miracle.

Other neat things took place this weekend too. Like training people at Destiny Rescue and McConn Coffee on how to be better baristas and pour latte art. Destiny went through training on Saturday afternoon…I gave them an  intro and history to coffee… not that I know that much, but with a few technical sounding words I pass and they even learned a little…after that we were on to learning about extraction! Which is just another techy word for pulling a shot…One by one every DR barista pulled shots and learned about consistency, which matters! …sometimes ( Apparently Twitter was being regularly updated during training).

Eva's first pour!

....and Tom's first pour

On to McConn…Casey and I both took a group of students (McConn is on the Indiana Wesleyan University Campus) and helped them improve their drink preparation skills…we worked through pulling shots and steaming milk…they all picked it up quickly and were excited to move onto latte art…

my student's first pour!

She was excited to be a part of training.

Meet Casey...Vecinos' barista, trainer, and Latte artist...watch out Millrock,NY 2010!

It was an awesome experience  getting to share something that I have invested so much time and practice into…I loved having the opportunity to pass that on to others with interest in coffee…Both groups were a blessing to spend time with. Made for a nice weekend.

I even made a new friend!

Let me just add that this morning’s drive from Syracuse, IN to Marion was nice…Highway 5 is just a great place to be…lots of hills and curves through the middle of nowhere/farmland. Very pretty.

Well, it is now moderately early…and only 15 minutes past my goal to have the laptop off along with the lights…still a miracle.

sleep well readers.

Wanted: life management skills

I have started a lot of new projects! It is neat and exciting…don’t you wish I was the type of girl who got things done when she thought of them? Because if I was that girl, I would have purchased a memory card for my camera about two months ago, this post would be complete with fun pictures to document all the great projects that I’m currently lying about being involved in. See the truth is that in the past month I have started about three children’s books, an herb garden, read and cooked out of Nourishing Traditions, studied for my spanish lesson, started a work out schedule, made more art, blogged on my thoughts and life progressions…all  in  my  head. Some of this was started, some of this was thought about some more, and most of this never happened. What is wrong with me? Dream, dream, dream…dreaming time away.

Let us not end on such a dreary and discouraging note though…Tonight I started putting together a basic barista training manual…I mean I’ve been thinking about that for a little over a week now, and at least it’s started! one point for me. Tomorrow I attempt to make whole wheat artisan bread…wish me luck, send me encouragement cards…Life is so dramatic. Oh, and maybe if I’m really productive, I’ll sketch out a few more pages for my book.

Usually I resort to posting lists of all the grand things I have recently decided to do, but thinking that you are probably bored by those and knowing that I never even start half the things on those lists, I just opted for a raw and honest post on my apparent inability to manage my time and energy.

hope your more talented at it than I, feel free to include tips in your comments.

Until my next list or barrage of  random pictures, have lovely night.

Breaking News…Home schooled kids make it to real life.

Real Life…whatever that is.

Being grown up is rather boring. And by grown up I really mean….well I have no idea what I mean. Just older, not at home, working, going to school…ish. Despite all the great and entertaining drama I seem to easily keep myself in, and the oh-so-glamorous “living on my own”  situation It’s rather dull…No pink, broken-locked diaries, no hate poetry from my little sister, no castles in the living room, no cat. No cat at all.

By now (long before the tirade of pictures may I point out) you are probably wondering what in the world is going through my head…and why I’m wasting time blogging about it.  Well, calm down your opinions…because you dear are still reading this. “This” was all my sister’s doing…I read her latest post and just had to get all sappy on this here blog.

shall we begin?

Anna and I.

Anna and I + Leah!

Us again. I swear kids try to look cute on purpose.

The way it should be.

Oh no peter pan, the children are growing up!

fast forward ten years and it's profile pic time and gone are the castles and barbie diaries

Delilah! fast-forwarded about 5 cats.

I like fish...and you might know this as I have often dramatically stated...usually in a loud fashion...generally annoying. I still love fish.

I was cooler in highshcool

Obviously, I mean we went to see As I Lay Dying in concert! I even fell asleep on the floor during their show...br00tal, I know.

so young, not so innocent, but we have got the eyes.

We went to prom. It was boring. So we left...

And went to a /\/\ 3 T @ L show!

Last year of Deeper Life

The baby...Priya

Tribe.

We are conservative and believe in guns.

Even more metal! in the form of a venue...like those lattes? I made them, thank you chocolate syrup for your awesome art qualities.

daddy let me drive his car,daddy let me drive his car to see boys...a whole town away.

kids thinking this was the end of the world. highschool was over.

Cupping over my first break home from the intern ship...cupping UP style that is.

More cupping...everyone was impressed and thought I knew what I was doing...ha! right.

Recording at the cabin...never wanted life to change

Mid-recording...this kind of stopping happened a lot...A LOT.

Beautiful

surreal...From the October day on Gabe's farm...still not sure if it really happened.

A Severe Mercy

Was sure of Indiana being the answer

Indiana...

For Now.

Shut up…I know its overkill on the pictures. Just know there were at least 25 I didn’t post. Anyway that was life…and this is life now: Its really late…I’m sitting up with a friend, he is studying for class…we ate pizza. Coldplay is on. I’m tired. Worn out tired, but happy…Strangely fascinated with being out of control of everything. God loves through His mercy, grace, judgement, condemnation, beauty, spirit, jealousy…and I can’t comprehend that at all, but it’s true…and He is holding the universe. So I’m not afraid of falling apart at all.

Hello February.

Four days in and I think I just realized that its february.

Might as well mention that it is also Thursday…no intern classes. I don’t even have to work. It is a bit of an odd feeling, as this is the first day in seemingly forever that I was able to sleep without an alarm set. Pretty nice. Alright I know you don’t really want to read about my extra 3 hours of sleep, so moving on…

Yesterday during our last class period a group of people from the Destiny Rescue ministry came in to show us what they do and who they reach. They exist to rescue underage children from the sex trade and prostitution. It is absolutely heart breaking and I can barely comprehend the fact that this goes on in the world. At the same time I was filled with joy to hear the accounts of all the rescued children and how they are doing. Destiny Rescue transforms these children’s lives in so many ways…They are given medical, mental, emotional attention and counseling, they are evaluated and then educated, they are given jobs, and most importantly they are shown the Love of Jesus…One of the guys speaking said that these kids don’t just think about the Jesus stuff they are told, that they run to him…there is no in between for them…They recognize and are amazed by true Love and they want it. Please check out their website and learn about their ministry…pray for them, consider supporting them. Some of these little children are as young as five.

Life is continuing as it always is…but never how it always is. So much seems to happen and change now in such a short period of time, and part of me can’t keep up with it all and the other part seems used to it. The Great Lakes Regional Barista competition is coming up soon, and by soon I mean the second week of march…which to you is a ways away…to me its tomorrow. I feel unprepared, but in the way of some good news  I have finally decided on an espresso and I am so excited about it…I love it. Now for the endless possibilities of a signature drink…oh and I need to spend a lot of money buying everything for competition. yay.  Here are some recent coffee pictures…

From Casey with Love

For Justin from Destiny Rescue

For a much better slideshow, check out the interview Ball State did on Vecinos…

http://ballbearingsonline.com/feature.php?id=77

And we made it to the front page of the “Life” section in the Star Press…

http://www.thestarpress.com/article/20100131/LIFESTYLE/1310314/Vecinos-Coffee-Gallery-customers-are-more-tempted-to-stare-than-to-sip

As for me, I have a few layers of Dawn dish soap to wash out of my hair ( thank you wednesday cleanup at MAC, haha we were just playing), and day to get to.

Love Bears all…

It’s happened again…

The gradual slip from keeping this blog updated…There are a few sporadic poetry pieces lying around but thats about it.

just lying around…

I feel like many parts of my life are doing that.

I’m so young. I have so much to learn. So far to mature. Many places to go.

I have always had this misconception that at some point I will reach that place of a sort of completion, or adequacy…but Im learning over and over again that it doesn’t really exist…That we are always moving and changing.

But then how do you live now? And how do you make wise decisions? Especially when you don’t “hear from God” Does He really answer you on all those things? Or does he let you live and learn…hurt and heal?

It’s crazy thinking you are ready for something…prepared to handle the “responsibility” and then life doesn’t go according to plan…You find yourself forced to be ready to handle something completely different.

The most crazy thing is that as much as all of this wears me down and sends my head in circles…I LOVE IT…I love watching life play out…I love recognizing the choice I have before I make it…Bottom line? I love watching God work through people, places, events. It’s almost comforting…How amazing and beyond this world is He? Enough to handle my broken faith, questions, frustrations…enough, period.

So…A new semester has begun in the internship…And I am proud to say that I AM in it…..yeah I considered dropping.

Excited to see what it brings and how I can grow in with the community…Believing He will reveal much.

Vecinos is alive and well. I and the other baristas have moved from training (not meaning we are stellar and no longer need any sort of training) to regular scheduled shifts…That like everything else has been overwhelming yet an amazing experience that I have loved. 40 hours in the Cafe this week. Neat.

I keep promising pictures…someday that promise will come to fruition…but its at the bottom of this list….

1) Re-start my health

2) Be OCD about what I eat

3) Work out

4) Start my herb/indoor garden

5) Study more for classes

6) Pray about the Living Room ministry

7) Get a freaking memory card, take pictures, and post them!!!!!!!

All this to be worked into my seemingly unworkable schedule….Which I know is workable..somehow, I just need to be a loooot more disciplined. I can do it…maybe.

oh yeah… # whatever) work on my sister’s blog for her, she has been asking since christmas.

Its getting late and I have coffee to vend in the morning…So continue on in Love, encourage one another…and be at Peace…

All my Love…Always.

Sarah Leslie.